The Battle is On

Yes, I realize that I left a "to be continued..." just hanging there, and I do have a lot I want to say about what I've learned about the devastating effects of root sin - and I will in coming posts.

For now however, the topic is 'Acedia', a term I'd not heard prior to reading about it in a book entitled, Acedia & Me, recently published by one of my favorite authors, Kathleen Norris. The term acedia is best defined as spiritual sloth, listlessness, and apathy. At its Greek root it means the absence or lack of care; not the "carefree" nature of a light heart, but the apathetic stupor of not caring about what's happening around us. Historically, acedia was considered a condition particular to monastics because the routine of their days varied little over time, and the temptation to boredom strong. However, as time has passed acedia became recognized as an affliction to which we are all were subject.

The ancients described acedia as a bad thought, a sin, a vice and even a demon that attacks the soul. I like the way David of Augsburg, a 13th century German mystic describes acedia, as quoted by Ms. Norris:

"The vice of accidia has three kinds. The first is a bitterness of the mind which cannot be pleased with anything cheerful or wholesome,...The second kind is a certain indolent torpor which loves sleep, and all comforts of the body...[and] flees from whatever is hard, droops in the presence of
work, and takes delight in idleness. ... The third kind is a weariness in such things only as belong to God, while in other occupations its victim is active and in high spirits. (Acedia & Me, page 291)"

I suffer from all three. As I read the pages of Acedia & Me, the light of understanding flickered on, I found the answer to the questions I've been asking myself for some time...What is wrong with me? Why am I so listless? With so much to do, why don't I want to do anything? Is my life that boring? Am I that boring? Why do I waste so much time doing nothing at all? Why do I seem lazy at some things, but not others? Why do put off doing things I love to do whatever it is I find myself doing?

For several years now, I've had a vague notion of my internal struggle with what could best be described as sloth, apathy, or boredom. I am neither a Catholic, nor a monastic, but since becoming a stay-at-home mom, my days vary little from one to the next. Household chores hold no charm for me, and boredom sets in. I love to write, and being home now, I had hope that it might add some interest to my days. Mostly it does, and I have a strong sense of satisfaction over a completed piece. However, there are times while writing that I find myself without the mental energy to finish a thought or even a sentence. Right now, as I try to write this paragraph, the blue sky, green grass and a perfect 75 degree day beckons me to something else, anything else but what I need to do right now...which is finish this post and clean my house for an upcoming Memorial Day cookout.

Why am I going on about this? Two reasons really; first, my struggle is not new nor merely my own - it has afflicted people since words were created to describe it. Secondly, my hope is that in naming my 'demon', I disarm it by calling it out and shaming my weakness.

As with most struggles, it's by admission and repentance we begin our journey to victory. Like the monks, my hope for victory is found within the same life I live and amid my repetition of the same duties and obligations. However, housework becomes a way to pray and worship, writing a ministry as I exercise the gift God's given. The temptation to restlessness is fought as all temptation is fought, by prayer, Scripture and the remembrance that I am crucified with Christ and the old me no longer lives, but Christ lives in me. In what I might call tedium, Christ is working in me acceptance, patience, contentment, and even joy.